There are healthy relationships and there are unhealthy relationships that end in codependency and other situations.
Falling in love and losing yourself is something that is painful and if you have lost yourself in love before and have been codependent, you will see that you need to learn to protect yourself if you start a new relationship.
If you are prone to codependent behavior, it can cause you to lose who you are. It can make you feel that you have to give everything up for your partner, including your friends and your family or stopping hobbies that you loved.
Losing who you are in a relationship will cause you to lose friends and will cause you to miss out on things you are passionate about. It can make you not even know who you are.
When the relationship comes to an end, you can go back to who you are, but you will feel the pain of the time that you have lost.
The opportunity to fall in love should be a happy thing but if you are prone to negative things in your life, it can be something you worry about. You might even wonder if you can love without losing who you are.
Going through heartbreak can cause you to open your heart after healing to something new. It can make you fearful, of course, but it can show you that you can love without losing who you are.
After you figure out who you are and how to love and keep yourself, life can be amazing.
Losing Yourself
It is even said in science that when you first fall in love, your body is filled with things such as dopamine that causes your brain to react to these hormones in a wild way. It causes there to be chemistry and to want to be with your partner.
If you are in a good relationship, your partner and you will become balanced and you will be able to be together but separate at the same time. You will see that you get away from things such as:
- Codependency which means you rely too much on your partner. This leads to bad relationships and makes you not be able to take care of yourself. It allows others to control you.
- Anxious attachments which mean that you are always worried about them leaving and you fear rejection.
- Highly Sensitive People which means getting lost in your emotions and having to be with someone to be happy.
- Limerence which is involuntarily wanting to be with someone and having things such as obsessive convulsive behaviors.
All of these things can cause you to have bad relationships and cause you to lose who you are in your life.
Once you realize that you can lose yourself in your relationship, you have to figure out what habits are unhealthy and learn to challenge yourself to love yourself and to not let fear be in control. You have to be in your intimacy without fear and there are ways that you can do this. Doing this in the early stages of your relationship will help you to be strong and to know who you are.
Identify Who You Are
Being lost means that you are lost in yourself and not just alone. It means that you feel darkness and that you do not know who you have even become.
It is like you lose touch with your body and your emotions and you become less strong, and you are not able to even develop a way to talk about your feelings.
Grounding
You must learn to ground yourself and to return to your body. You can do different things that can help you to focus on yourself.
Doing grounding exercises at any time can be helpful, in your car, at dinner or wherever you are.
To do this, take a deep breath and pay attention to the air. Feel your body pressure change and be aware of your body and your feet and your hands. Know that you are there.
Do not be occupied with your partner and just recenter your thoughts and your feelings. Return to yourself.
Collect Important Things
Early in love you might want to make your relationship stronger. You will see that your connections will change in your life and that you need to have healthy balance.
Looking at different things in your life can bring you to satisfaction and make you feel grounded and happy.
Identify and Challenge Your Ideas
Your ideas are positive and when you go through the honeymoon phase of your relationship then things are good but when this end, the relationship can be hard. You have to focus on the positive things then.
Feeling positive about your partner is not a bad thing, you just have to not forget who you are. You will never be a perfect person, and neither will your partner.
If you believe that your partner is perfect or almost perfect, then you will stop trying to measure yourself to them and this will help you to feel more powerful.
When your partner is held high, you think things such as:
- They are flawless.
- They are too amazing.
- You don’t know why they are with you.
If you have idealization, you need to keep your partner’s flaws close to you and know that they mess up just like you do. When your self-image feels threatened, you need to remember that they are not perfect.
Future to Now
In the early stages of love, you have to stop trying to push things to the future. Live your love in the now and make sure that you are having your best times.
Fast forwards can cause you to miss out on developing a connection with your partner. If you do this, it is a warning that you are not realistic in your expectations.
In a new relationship, you have the information that you need to make sure you know your partner but if you find that you are becoming codependent, you need to make sure that you are not trying to speed things up too fast.
Stop trying to move forward to fast and live in the now. Do not try to make things happen such as having children or getting married.
Just concentrate on this week and what you will do today. If you become obsessive, stop, and get it back together.
Slow Down
Take time to get your partner and go slower than you are normally used to. If you are used to be codependent, do not be this way and take time.
If your expectations are growing, you need to make sure that you and your partner spend time together and you get to know their friends and families.
By going slow, you can develop a connection and you can build your relationship on what is happening now.
Rushing will cause you to miss out on good things and will end up causing fights. If you rush the relationship, it might not work out. Moving slowly will help you to understand your partner more.
Meeting Needs
Learn to meet your needs and to get things done. Do not miss out on your own life and chores and your work. Do not miss out on sleep and other things that you need.
You have things that you need, and you cannot let your relationship take these things away from you.
Make sure you get these things:
- 8 hours of sleep each night.
- A shower or bath each day.
- Good meals.
- Cleaning the house.
- Going to the grocery store.
- Meetings if needed.
Scheduled Plans
Do not give up on plans that you have in your life. If you have plans, do not reschedule them for your partner. Learn to focus your energy on yourself and this will not hurt a good relationship.
Partner Support
Always talk to your partner and make sure that you admit when things are failing. If you are responsible for keeping your own identity, you do not have to be responsible for your partner.
Set boundaries and make sure that you keep your own time and space. Take things slow and make sure that you are ready for the relationship.
Ask your partner to help you and make sure that you keep your hobbies and you do what makes you happy.
Do not let your relationship hurt you or cause you to miss out on things that you love.
Trust It
Learn to trust your journey and no matter what worked before, make sure that you do something new. Have actions and make sure that you make changes that you need to stay away from codependency.
Do not be insecure or anxious and make sure that you keep a strong sense of self. Have fun and live a happy life with your partner and with yourself.