There are some women that choose men that have bad habits and sometimes men that women choose will develop bad habits over time. People that you just meet might swoon you into believing that they are perfect but then they bring only hurt, heartache, abuse or they are controlling.
Relationships are sometimes used to control someone and not just for love. What do you do if you find that your partner is trying to control you and that they have a controlling personality? How can you get out of this kind of relationship and still be strong.
Controlling Relationship Behaviors
Controlling behaviors happen when people manipulate you in order to get the thing that they want instead of allowing you to make your own choices. Instead of loving you and wanting you to do what is best for you, they use you and they demand things from you which can even borderline abuse.
Dependent Relationship
When a woman or a man is overly dependent, this can happen out of fear or selfishness. Some people are so afraid of being alone that they cause problems in the relationship without often realizing it. They are looking to find someone to give them the emotional love and hope that they want, and this happens by wanting them by their side constantly.
Small children are sometimes overly dependent on their parents but as they grow older, they become more independent. It is not normal when the person that you are with will not let you spend time away from them without being upset or without causing problems. If this happens, you might need to get some kind of therapy or counseling.
People are sometimes selfish, and everyone can be selfish here and there. Sometimes we expect someone to only be with us and we don’t realize that we are being selfish. The person that you are with should rely on you, but they need to have time on their own or else this can ruin your relationship. It never benefits a person to want to be around someone all the time without giving them a break.
Some people will be lazy, and this can make them overbear. They sometimes will want their partner to do everything for them such as clean up after them, feed them, do the housework, bring money into the home and more. Sometimes a woman will marry a man because she expects him to give her whatever she wants. This can be laziness and it can cause people to forget to compromise.
Are You Being Used?
One of the best ways that you can know if someone is using you is if you only hear from them when they want something from you. When someone doesn’t text you or call you unless they need something, then they are probably using you. You aren’t obligated to this kind of person.
Demanding is Controlling
Demanding someone to do something for you is controlling you. You might have a boss that needs to have a party for their wife, and they demand that you work all weekend so that they can have the time off to celebrate. But, if you have plans for the weekend, you might not want to do this.
Demanding people think that they have the right to expect things from you and when you say no, they might get angry, or they might not understand who you think that you are. They think that they deserve to have whatever they want.
Give and Take
Relationships should be given and take. If you have a friend that has a home where their air conditioner breaks, they might want you to let them come and stay with you until the air gets fixed. You might choose to help them and let them stay with you for a few days.
The problem is that sometimes people will ask you for things, but they won’t ever go out of their way to help you if you are in a dire need or they don’t ever show you how much they appreciate you.
Think of the things that you have done for others and think of the things that they have done in return for you. You don’t have to give everything to someone that doesn’t do anything for you.
Abusive Relationships
One kind of abuse is control. When someone takes away your option to make choices, they are doing this to manipulate you. Some abusers won’t allow the people that they are trying to control to do anything that they want or to make any kind of decision on their own. They might even control you down to what time you go to bed, what you drink at dinner or what clothes that you wear.
Sometimes they won’t get violent with you if you don’t do what they want but they will guilt you and they will belittle everything that you say so that you feel bad about who you are.
Messing Up
We often do things to allow people to control us without even realizing it. Even though we should be in charge of what we do, the mistakes that we make can make it easy for people to control you.
Showing Too Much Love
When you have too much love for someone, it can make it possible for them to control and use you. When they know that you love them that much, they will see that they can give you as little or as much love as they want, and it won’t cause the relationship to end. This is one way that they can control you.
Always Being There
Another mistake that people often make is to be there too much for someone. You shouldn’t always be available for someone that isn’t there for you. When they call you, do you always run to give them what they want? But do they give you the time that you want from them?
You need to set up boundaries to make sure that they are respecting you and that they are treating you the way that you treat them. This isn’t being rude or selfish, this is caring and loving yourself.
Feeling Sorry for Others
Feeling sorry for someone is one way that you can give them the choice to control you. If you feel bad for someone not having enough or if you feel bad for someone for how they are treated, you might do things for them to try and make them feel better about themselves.
When someone is going through hard times or suffering, it isn’t bad to help them, but you need to make sure that people aren’t using you when you are being kind to them.
Guilt
A controlling person can use guilt to make you do things for them. They will take advantage of you, and they will get what they want by bringing up pasts mistakes or by making you feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes and there are regrets that you cannot avoid sometimes, but you have to learn to focus on being a better person.
Signs of A Controlling Person
Sometimes you can look at the zodiac signs and you can find out if someone is going to be more controlling than another sign. Here are the signs and their controlling behavior:
Pisces
Pisces are people that are known to not be controlling but sometimes they will use their empath abilities to be in control of people. Pisces are often accused of being people that aren’t stable and sometimes they are.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius’ are people that can be controlling but most of the time they are just charming. They will use their charm to get people to do things for them. This will allow them to be able to enjoy their life while someone else takes care of them.
Scorpio
Scorpios are people that can be controlling but if they do act like they are controlling then they will believe that they are being good to you and not mistreating you.
Not all Scorpios are going to be controlling or manipulative but sometimes they will do things that they believe are right even if they aren’t.
Aries
Aries are sometimes controlling but they are really just a sign that likes to redirect things. They will be demanding sometimes though and want people to do what they want. Sometimes they can be demanding and scream to get what they want.
Leaving a Relationship that is Controlling
When someone is trying to control you, the best thing that you can do is to see that you deserve something better. You need to see that even if they love you, they are hurting you when they try to control you. You cannot keep allowing them to treat you the way that they want to, and you have to decide that you want out and get out.
Boundaries
People can set boundaries, and this can help the relationship be better. Boundaries allow people to see that their behavior isn’t right, and it allows you to be in control of what you do in your own life. Sometimes a person won’t realize that they are hurting you and when you set boundaries, you can solve the problems right away.
People that aren’t your friends or family might also try to be controlling and it might be harder to set boundaries. If you have co-workers or bosses that want to control you, setting boundaries might not work but you don’t have to allow them to mistreat you. Tell this person to stop controlling you.
Take a Break
You might need to take a break from someone to get them to stop their controlling behavior. This can mean that if you are dating someone, you step out of their life temporarily or you choose to walk away. No one has the right to control you. This doesn’t matter what kind of relationship that they have with you. This can be your friend, lover, parent, co-worker, or any relationship.
You don’t owe anyone a place in your heart or your life when they want to treat you poorly. There are many other people in the world that you can be friends with and people that can be part of your life. Don’t let anyone cause you harm or hurt you.
Be in Control
You need to be in control of your own life. You can buy your own stuff; you can do your own job and you can do your own things. Even if you feel that you need someone, learn to do your own thing so that you don’t have depend on them.
Don’t let a boyfriend manipulate you or a friend demand things from you that you don’t want to do. You are in charge of your own life.
Heal and Grow
After you get out of a controlling relationship, it is time to heal and grow. You can say goodbye and you can get past your hurt. It is time for you to grow and to learn more about who you are and what you want in your life.
Whenever you are ready, you can step back out into the dating world. Make a future for yourself and go out and find people in your life that are going to be good to you and that want to give to you the same in return that you give to them.
No one ever deserves to be treated badly and no one has a right to be in control of you. You can get out. You might not be able to make people act the way that you want them to act, but you can step out of the relationship and find a relationship that is going to give you what you want and need.